AAR: June 22, 2013 - Outpost In Distress

An outpost on the fronteir of civilization has sent a distress signal.  One word: "Orks!"  That's enough to send in a recon unit of Space Marines.  Once they arrive, it is as they feared - all of the original occupants have been boiled alive (and eaten with a generous dash of salt).  They vow revenge and face off against the orkz who cackle with glee at the prospect of an after-dinner fight & desert.

AAR: June 3, 2013 - Mixed Motives

In a random occurrence of fate (or is it destiny?) four armies have congregated at the same location for wildly different reasons, but they all see each other in the same light - an unknown and potentially lethal enemy!  Only one of these forces can return successful, three of them will slink home with their goals unfulfilled...

AAR: June 1, 2013 - Planetfall

Smarting from their last beat-down, the forces of the Ork Horde find a nice defenseless agri-world to plunder.  All was going well for a few days, but then a hideous buzzing filled the skies!  The few humans that remained alive weep for mercy, but none is likely to be forthcoming...  The Tyranids have arrived!  This really annoys the Orks and they gear up to defend their spoils.

AAR: May 11, 2013 - Interupted Prayers

The Storm Heralds are here to worship - a just reward after months of intense battle.  Unfortunately, the orks are unwilling to give their hated foes even a second of rest and peace.  The vile forces of Warboss Chainsaw have followed the space marines to their religious sanctuary!  The howling drop-rocks of the orks slamming into this hallowed ground have raised the ire of the human warriors and the insult of alien feet on this previously pristine world has enraged them.  Will the Emperor grant them vengeance or will the xenos put yet another place of quiet and beauty to the torch?

AAR: March 29, 2013 - Space Hulk Entry

A mighty space hulk has emerged from a rift in the warp.  A monstrous spaceship that bears signs of a rough passage through the warp and the scars of many battles.  The markings are strange - unknown.  No signals are detected on board.  Could just be space garbage, but it never hurts to verify things like this...  Both the Orks and the Storm Herald Space Marines send a small expedition to determine the nature of the craft.  Their mission objective changes rapidly once the enemy is detected on board an exposed and natural entry point.  The goal now is to eliminate the foe and then check out the spacecraft!

AAR: February 16, 2013 - Green Dye Number 14

A small party of crazed, junkie orks have struck at a small storage depot.  The Storm Heralds can't figure out what the tactical or strategic significance of this target is until they read what is stored here: Imperial Green Dye #14...

"Ah, ha!  It's that maniac, Mega-Warboss Chainsaw, brothers!  He's a Green Dye #14 addict!  To the droppods!"

AAR: December 27, 2012 - Jailbreak Hijinx

Space marine forces in orbit have detected strange energy readings on the surface, and have determined that a kontrapshun of vile Orky design is the source!  Scans indicate that a large Ork warband is huddled around the device, which techmarines aboard the Storm Herald battle-barge Harbinger of Absolution have deduced is being used to open a rift to the warp...in an ill-advised attempt to bring their foul god Mork into being!  Needing a diversion to bait the hoard away from the device so that the space marines may destroy it, Captain Drakon suggests a novel idea: retrofit a drop pod to double as a containment cell, and drop the newly "incarcerated" Ol' Boomy down to the surface, in plain view of the Orkz!  When they invariably move to break their saucy komradd our of his prison, the space marine strike force will surge to the newly vacated Ork position around the foul device and smash it!  A clever plan...but will the execution prevail?

AAR: December 22, 2012 - Mutant Squig Hunt

An unholy terror has been pillaging the villages of this section of the planet Ceti Aldelpi.  Rumor has it that it possesses an lust for blood and destroys anything that moves.  The Storm Heralds resolve to cleanse the area of whatever impure beast now roams it.  Mega-Warboss Chainsaw has another thought: "Sounds like my old pet squig!"  He brings his warband to the location to see if the beast is really his long-lost pet.  What will the result of this mutant squig hunt be?

AAR: December 8, 2012 - The Only Way To Be Sure

The desert winds howl on this forlorn planet.  Warboss Chainsaw is here because he heard that the shifting sands had uncovered a shrine to Mork. When he arrives, he is enraged to discover that the Storm Heralds heard the same rumor and they have brought a tactical nuke in order to wipe it from the face of the universe.  Being cunning as he is brutal, the Ork leader thinks that the weapon of mass destruction could be put to better use in the middle of a hive city... all he has to do is snip off the command antenna and it's all his!  The space marines are determined to verify that the evil shrine is the real one, teleport out, and then detonate the nuke from orbit.  Will the nuke be used for good or evil?  Find out by reading about this battle for the bomb!

AAR: December 1, 2012 - Rain of Fire

The battle for control of this planet rages both on the surface and in orbit!  Some important wreckage has been distributed across a wide arc of ground as starships are blown into flaming chunks of wreckage.  Two of these smoldering prizes are contested by the orks and the Storm Heralds.  The battlefield is more dangerous than usual, with debris slamming into the area with alarming regularity. 

AAR: November 24, 2012 - Truffle Hunt

The Dark Purifiers grow weary of the constant stream of fresh recruits that Warboss Chainsaw is throwing into their faces.  If only there was a way to shut off the alien's supply of fresh troops...  And so the plan was made to attack the orkish settlement that is literally covered in greenskin fungus - each growing a new Ork lad underground.  The orks are horrified when they learn of the planned herbicide/infanticide and rush to move into position to stop them hated 'umies!  Will the space marines uproot the ork' supply of ladz?  Or will the orks save their disgusting spawn from the wicked, truffle-hunting humans?

AAR: November 17, 2012 - Drunk and Disorderly

Warboss Chainsaw is missing a Zzaphead...  Ol' Boomy brewed up some of his "secret recipe" of fungus brew and sampled a bit too much of it.  He should be around here somewhere...  Meanwhile, the Dark Purifiers have heard that an ongoing and henious crime of intemperance is occurring here and they have shown up to prove to all that the Emperor does not approve of such vices.  If anyone is drunk and disorderly around here, they plan on hauling them in and throwing them into a pain inducer!  Who will recover the semi-lucid ork first?  And will he recognize them when they do?

Rescue Mission with a single objective that could be in 6 possible locations.

5x6 table. This is a wilderness spot where some strange porcine sounds were heard recently, believed to be Ol' Boomy - sauced to his gills.

Woods are standard areas and act as difficult terrain.  Flat rock formations can be walked on at no movement penalty by models.

Six markers are placed around the map, half by each player.  They are turned upside-down so the numbers can not be seen as they are placed.

Orks versus Space Marines with 1800 point limit.

Chainsawz Ladz: 
HQ - Mega-Warboss Chainsaw (Master of the WAAAGH!)
HQ - Big Mek (Shokk attack gun) 
Elites - 15x Kommandoz (Nob with power claw, 2x Rokkit)
Elites - 11x Tank Bustaz
Troops - 10x Gretchin (Runtherd)
Troops - 30x Boyz (Nob with power claw)
Troops - 30x Boyz (Nob with power claw)
Heavy Support - 3x Lobba gunz (6x Extra crew, Runtherd, 3x Ammo runts)Heavy Support - 8x Flash Gitz (Kaptain Krunktoof, Painboy, Cyborks, Blastas, Shootier)

"Ol' Boomy!  Whar iz youse?  We iz here ta perferm an intr'venshun!"

Dark Purifiers
HQ - Antonidus Aurelius (Chapter master, Master-crafted power sword)
HQ - Captain (Thunder hammer)
Elites - Dreadnought (Power fist, Multi-melta)Elites - 10x Terminators (2x Cyclone missile launchers, 2x Chain-fists, Power fists)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Flamer, Missile launcher)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Melta, Heavy bolter)
Troops - 6x Sniper Scouts with Sgt. Immortus (Missile launcher)
Heavy Support - Land Raider Redeemer (Multi-metla)

"A divine intervention - from the Emperor!  Spread out and find the perp, brothers..."

Chainsaw wins the initial die toss.  He selects the red long edge.

Dark Purist wins the infiltrator roll-off and gets to place his snipers before the kommandoz.

The six yellow questions marks are the possible objective markers.  Each marker is labeled with a number, 1 to 6 on the bottom.

The objective number everyone is looking for is randomly rolled up as #2.  But which marker could it be?

Chainsaw's forces are clustered near the center and north part of the board.

Mob1 forms up behind the hill, closely packed next to Mob2 which is lead by Warboss Chainsaw.

The Flash Gitz are close to the center, spread in thin ranks to present maximum firepower to the 'umies.

The Big Mek has a small following of gretchin with him to help herd the snotlings into position for his massive shokk attack gun (and to soak up bullets meant for him).

The Tank Bustaz are formed up and hoping to drink some high-grade motor oil later in the day, while the Lobbaz are spread out and hiding behind the rock formation to the south.  The Kommandoz position themselves to respond to any threats to the big gunz crew, and stand ready to explore the southern area for the missing drunkard.

The Dark Purifiers form up into two strike teams.

The first group is made up of Tactical Squad1 lead by the Chapter Master and the Terminators who are lead by the Captain.

The southern strike team has the heavy support units of the Dreadnought and the Land Raider tank, with Tactical Squad3 ready to embark and prove useful in the hunt.

The Chapter Master explains to the Land Raider crew the principle of being an "Unyielding Anvil" - this will allow the tank to act as a scoring unit.  He also has a long discussion with the Terminator squad about the same topic and further inspires them to act as the "Hammer of Righteousness", which will allow them to re-roll poor wound dice throws.

Let the search and rescue/capture of Ol' Boomy begin!

The space marine Scouts get a free movement and they use it to investigate something that might be the target at the bottom of the hill...

Unfortunately, it is only an empty fungus beer bottle, covered in drool.  The marker is #1, not the sought-after #2.

"Is the drool fresh?" Sergeant Immortus asks.

"Um...  I have no fear, but I don't want to check that and I'm not going to, m'kay?"

The orks begin the engagement with the Tank Bustazs stepping over to a lump that looks out of place on the rock formation.

Both Mobs run to the south.

The Flash Gitz move forward to get into range on the Snipers.

The Kommandoz stretch their line to cover the open gap that leads from the marine side of the table to the ork side.

The Tank Bustaz discover that the strange lump is objective #2!  They have found Ol' Boomy!

And he looks bad.

"He musta put some si'co'dellic mushroomz in dat fungus beer!  He iz trippin' out!"

One of the Tank Bustaz rolls him over so he won't choke on his own tongue.  Warboss Chainsaw wants him alive, after all.

The orkz attack:

• The Tank Bustaz can see two huge targets and they fire off a stream of rokkits, but they are hopelessly out of range.
• The Flash Gitz and the Kommandoz create a horrible cross fire of rokkits, explosive slugs, and beams of pure radiation all focusing on the Snipers.  Four of them die horrible deaths...  Sergent Immortus and one other scout hunker down and vow vengeance for their fallen brothers.
• The Lobbaz pound a terrific volume of fire onto the position of Tactical Squad3, hoping to kill the majority of them before they can gain the protection of the Land Raider's interior.  Despite using all of their ammo runts, they only manage to kill 2 marines.
• The Big Mek takes aim at Tactical Squad1 and launches a screaming snotling through the warp.  There is a strange, wet sound that comes from the rock formation just next to the marines as the projectile misses.  The snotling has materialized inside the stone and it begins to seep blood from the cracks and seams in the rock.  "That's just foul!"

The space marines surge forward!

Tactical Squad3 embarks into the Land Raider and it growls up the middle.  The Dreadnought is on it's southern flank.

The Terminators move up the hill while Tactical Squad1 move through the northern gap.

And then their weapons speak:

• The Snipers and the assault cannon on the Land Raider both focus on the Tank Bustaz.  Four of them die trying to protect the fallen figure of Ol' Boomy.
• The Dreadnought opens up on the Kommandoz and kills 2.
• Tactical Squad1 shoots at the Flash Gitz, but their weapons are just out of range.
• The Terminators can range in on the Flash Gitz with no trouble, however.  They fire a stream of krak missiles at the tough orc specialists.  One Flash Gitz goes down in a spray of gore!

The orks waste no time weeping for the fallen - "Dey wuz too weak ta live."

The Tank Bustaz charge towards the huge tank with big, excited eyes.  Will they get to drink the savory engine oil from this monster?  They hope so!

The Flash Gitz move towards the northern gap while Mob1 takes their original position.

Mob2 secures the objective.

The Kommandoz move forward to engage the Dreadnought, hoping to destroy it, but they'll settle for using the melee to avoid getting obliterated or burned alive by the tank!

And then they attack:

• The Tank Bustaz shoot with wild excitement at the tank, but their rokkits fail to penetrate the tough armor.  Only a couple of sooty dents are produced, despite their zeal.
• The Lobbaz shift targets to the snipers and a lucky shell explodes directly over Sergeant Immortus' location.  He's down!  The lone sniper checks his ammo levels and gets ready for a bit of payback...
• The Flash Gitz open fire on Tactical Squad1 and three of the space marines of obliterated by the massively overpowered energy weapons.
• The Big Mek also takes aim at Tactical Squad1 and fires a short burst of snotlings at them.  His aim is much better this time as two space marines suddenly find insane snotlings inside their powered armor!  "Get it off!  ARRRRGH!"  "Vile Xenos!  NUUURGH!"  Thud.  Thud.
• The Kommandoz attack the Dreadnought.  Their rokkits do nothing as the machine of war swats them out of the air and the swirling close combat results in no lasting damage to either side.

Tactical Squad3 disembarks from the tank in order to point their weapons at the Tank Bustaz who are trying to blow up the strategically vital tank.

The Terminators continue to move up the hill and reach the top.

Tactical Squad1 is lead forward at the urging of Antonidus Aurelius.

"With the cleansing power of the Emporer's storm, we shall scour this filth from the planet!"

The space marines take careful aim:

• The Land Raider has remained stationary so it's crew has the chance to use every weapon system.  The tank targets two groups.  The Flash Gitz get lucky as a melta beam disintegrates a tree instead of one of their members.  The Tank Bustaz are not as fortunate as the heavy assault cannon rips three of their number to bloody rags and broken weapons.
• Tactical Squad3 continues what the tank started by unloading their boltguns at rapid fire into the thinning ranks of Tank Bustaz.  Every one of them goes down under their withering and accurate fire.
• The lone sniper misses as he tries to kill Kaptain Krunktoof.  Tactical Squad1 and the Terminators also shoot at the Flash Gitz and they have better luck as three of the Gitz die and another is wounded.  Where is the Painboy?  Unfortunately, he discovered a half-full bottle of Ol' Boomy's special beer and couldn't resist the temptation...  "Whazzat?  No kan halp...  (HIC!)  Me iz on... (Burp!) break right now...  (hic!)"
• The close quarters battle between the Dreadnought and the Kommandoz continues.  The orks manage to hit the machine with a couple of glancing blows that will reduce it's effectiveness next round, but three of their own are brutally crushed to death and tossed aside by the robotic power claw of their foe.

The Flash Gitz and Mob1 both continue to move towards the northern gap.

Mob2 moves forward to get in a better position to cover the retreat of Ol' Boomy that Warboss Chainsaw is hoping to perform.

The orkz rage at their enemies and give it their best:

• The Flash Gitz shoot at Tactical Squad1 and punish 2 marines brutally.
• The Lobbaz continue to fire at the Snipers, but the lone model remaining has picked a fine defensive location and is unharmed.
• The unnatural whine of the shokk attack gun kicks up even higher as the Big Mek hits the 'turbo vacuum' switch and scores of snotlings are sucked into the warp!  He directs them to materialize right in front of Tactical Squad3 and the aim is perfect.  Six space marines are blown away with huge holes ripped through both sides of their armor as wailing snotlings pepper their group moving several hundred miles per hour on impact.
• The dance of melee combat between the Kommandoz and the Dreadnought is ended as 2 more orks are ripped in half, but the nob cuts off coolant to the power plant and the war machine is turned into a bonfire!

The battered and reeling survivors of Tactical Squad3 climb back inside the tank in order to regroup.  With each other.  Since there are only two of them left alive.

Tactical Squad1 charges into combat with the few remaining Flash Gitz (and their drunken doctor who will likely not be much help).

The Terminators continue moving along the ridge line of the central hill.

Space marine attacks this turn are as follows:

• The Land Raider unloads all weapon systems this round.  The Kommandoz worst fears are realized as the terrifying Flamestorm cannon roasts 4 orks and burns the backside of the nob quite severely.  "Me bum!  It's all crispy!  Ow!  Oww!!  Owww!!!"  This indignity is not one that the nob can recover from and the surviving remnants of his unit run faster than they ever have before in an utter rout.
• The Land Raider's assault cannon and melta attack Mob2, as do all of the weapons from the Termiantor squad and the last sniper.  The bloodletting from this combined weight of fire is heavy.  Eight of the ladz of Mob2 are put down and a scattered frag missile explosion manages to kill 2 of the Big Mek's gretchin retinue.
• Tactical Squad1 fires their weapons into the Flash Gitz before they slam into them.  A total of 3 Flash Gitz are laid low, one of them with his throat crushed by a power fist.  The gitz only manage to kill a single space marine in response.  Kaptain Krunktoof is mortified by this poor showing... he only leads a single git and a very tipsy painboy.  "Dis iz not so good, me thinkin'."

The Kommandoz continue to beat feet for the ork edge of the table, but the rokkit-wielding orkz are still looking for targets as they run.

Mob2 drag Ol' Boomy away from the front lines in an attempt to keep him from the authorities in the fast-moving tank.

Mob1 jumps into the battle to support the struggling Flash Gitz in their battle versus the Chapter Master and his remaining space marines.

The orks show little restraint:

• The Kommandoz fire their rokkits and in an amazing display of marksmanship both warheads nail the lone Sniper right in the head.  "Ooo!  Lookit!  A meat firework!"
• The Lobbaz shift targets to the Terminators and even their runtherd grunts in surprise when one terminator goes down and the mighty captain takes a wound.
• The Big Mek fires another load of frightened snotlings - this time into the Terminators armor!  Three of the powerful warriors go down screaming, and the captain takes another wound as a rabid and insane snotling gnaws on his leg before he can stop it.
• The Flash Gitz struggle with Tactical Squad1.  His last git is wounded, but they manage to bring down the last two marines of the squad, leaving the Chapter Master Antonidus Aurelius alone in a sea of greenskin fury.
• The orks of Mob1 are only too happy to surround the Chapter Master!  Their assault turns out to be completely futile as four of their ladz are slammed to the ground and they can't even touch the experienced officer.  "You can not scratch my armor - for it is made of pure faith!  Fall upon my sword to gain a swift death, xeno-filth, for the Emperor's servants are merciful as we follow his example!"

The driver of the Land Raider sees a way to get to the retreating form of the sloppy drunk they came to collect.  He hits the accelerator and surges up to the middle of the field.

The Terminators reach the other side of the hill at last and form up right next to the rumbling tank.

The Chapter Master continues to taunt the ork mob surrounding him and this enrages the greenskins mightily!  He merely laughs to see their discomfiture.

The might of the space marines is shown:

• The Terminators and the Land Raider attack Mob2.  Four more of the orkz die and another grot from the Gretchin unit is killed by a hot chunk of shrapnel.
• The Chapter Master drives into the demoralized Flash Gitz.  He slays the hurt git and gives the Kaptain a wound.  This is too much for them and they try to flee.  Due to the press of Mob1, however, they get confused and instead run themselves onto Antonidus Aurelius' power sword.  "A wise choice of death!  It was quick and relatively painless - unlike what I'll be giving your disgusting peers soon!"

Warboss Chainsaw makes sure that Ol' Boomy is put in the care of some of the Gretchin before wheeling his force back to face the remaining space marines.

The fleeing Kommandoz move slowly over the rocks towards the comfort of their side of the table... and a tube of burn cream for the nob that's back in his tent.

"Keep dem eyes facin' front, youse!  Ain't nuttin' ta see back here!  Owiee!"

The orkish brutality continues apace:

• The Lobbaz and the Big Mek both continue their bombardment of the Terminator squad and manage to stop two more of them.
• Mob1 now is able to get every available lad into the fight against the untouchable Chapter Master.  The mighty warrior kills 2 more boyz, but even he can not protect from attacks coming simultaneously from every side.  The enraged orks cause him to suffer three wounds.

The tank opens all of it's doors as the two space marines of Tactical Squad3 exit out one side and the battered men of the Terminator squad run on board from the other side.

The Land Raider surges towards the enemy line, skidding to a stop just in front of the grinning ladz of Mob2 and Warboss Chainsaw himself...

"Ware you tink, youse goin', ugies?"

The space marine forces fight back:

• The flamestorm cannon unloads its fiery load into Mob2 and four ladz are blasted into cinders.
• The Chapter Master swings his mighty power sword and decapitates three orks, but his left leg is cut in half by the nob's power claw and he goes down!  "Great lamentations!  Avenge me, brothers!"

The gretchin struggle to drag the limp and moaning form of Ol' Boomy away from the threat of the space marine enforcers driving their way.

"Lemme go!" he mumbles, "Me good ta drive meself home..."

Mob1 runs to assist with the securing of the objective, but they can see they will be too far away to help in time...

Mega-Warboss Chainsaw unleashes a mighty "WAAAGH!" just for the heck of it.

The final ork assault yields the following:

• The rokkit-wielding Kommandoz shoot their rokkits at the tank, hoping to immobilize it, but both rokkits miss very badly.
• The Lobbaz unload their wares into the middle of the two remaining men of Tactical Squad3 and both fellows buy the whole farm.
• The Big Mek no longer has and Gretchin to use as "e'merg'ancy ammo", so he does his best at putting some snotlings inside the Land Raider.  His aim is poor and he instead puts the snotlings inside two of the ladz of Mob2.  Their bodies explode shockingly as the snotlings interpenetrate their hides.

This is it.

The chances of pulling this off are low, but the space marines have no doubt that the Emperor will smile upon their efforts this day.

Their desperate plan is to drive right through the ork line and unload the Terminators with the Captain in range to assault the Gretchin and wrest control of the perp from them.

But will it work?

The engine of the tank roars! 

The ladz of Mob2 jump out of the way of the tank shock!

All except Mega-Warboss Chainsaw...  He is cunning and has discerned the space marine's intent!  He stands awaiting either Death or Glory...

He gets death!  Well... He's out of the fight - that's certain...

His metal skull might have saved his heavily-modified-with-elective-surgery brain, but his chest cavity looks about as flat at a spaceport runway.  His limbs twitch grotesquely after the tank leaves him behind in the dirt...

The daring plan of the Dark Purifiers is carried out:

• The Terminators exit the tank as planned and slam into the Gretchin without shooting at them.  They want the criminal alive to suffer for his crimes, after all.  The runtherd manages to kill one of the Terminators, but it is a futile gesture as all of the greenskins are torn to shreds with chainfists buzzing like the scream of an angry deity!  They take possession of the objective at the very last possible moment!

At the end of turn 6 the game is over!

Dark Purist Wins!  The strategic assets of both the tank and the power granted to the Terminator squad to become a scoring unit pays off as they are the only remaining models left to the Dark Purist - and they claimed the prize!  A very intense game filled with many random and unexpected events!

"Breathe into this device, sir..."

"Limit iz hig'r fur Orkz - 0.24 is OK fur uz, right?  Oh, noes!  Dis gonna' be me thurd time up da river!"