AAR: September 22, 2012 - Relic Battle

The Dark Purifiers have gained intelligence that an Orkish shrine to Mork is nearby.  Hoping to shatter the Ork's morale, they resolve to destroy this abomination.  To this end, they bring a relic of their own chapter - a huge glittering gem which is in reality a molycirc holo-projector/recorder -- a powerful and irreplaceable artifact from the lost age of dark technology.  The device will record this battle for the records of their chapter.  But will it record a magnificent victory or a humbling defeat?  We shall soon see!

Capture and Control - Long Edges.

5x6 table. A large hill is in the center, split eons ago by a volcanic upheaval.  There are only a few ways to get from one side of the hill to the other.  Rocky protuberances are everywhere, but there is not much in the way of vegetation - only grass and lichen.

Orks versus Space Marines with 1736 point limit.

Chainsawz Ladz: 
HQ - Warboss
HQ - Ol' Boomy 
Elites - 15x Kommandoz with Boss Blackgutz (2x Burna)
Elites - 15x Kommandoz (Nob with power claw, 2x Rokkit)
Troops - 12x Boyz (Nob with power claw, Rokkit)
Troops - 12x Boyz (Nob with power claw, Rokkit)
Troops - 12x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 12x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 12x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 17x Gretchin (Runtherd with grot-prod)
Fast Attack - 3x Deffkopptas (Twin-linked rokkits)
Heavy Support - 3x Lobba gunz (6x Extra crew, Runtherd, 3x Ammo runts)
Heavy Support - Deff Dread (2x Kustom mega-blasta)

"Dat shiny is gonna be Morks!"

Dark Purifiers
HQ - Captain
HQ - Chapter Master
Elites - Dreadnought (Power fist, Multi-melta)
Elites - 10x Terminators (2x Cyclone missile launchers, 2x Chain-fists, Power fists)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Flamer, Missile launcher)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Melta, Heavy bolter)
Troops - 6x Sniper Scouts with Sgt. Immortus (Missile launcher)
Heavy Support -Land Raider Redeemer (Multi-metla)


"I love the smell of promethium in the morning.  Smells like... victory."

The dubious blessing of Mork's favor falls on the Orks as Chainsaw wins the initial die roll!

He selects the red long edge and Dark Purist is forced to accept the blue side.

Chainsaw tries a new tactic in this battle.  He splits his forces into many smaller squads to see if the tactical situation will be improved.  He also recruits another group of kommandoz in an attempt to get his forces to cover the board.

Three small mobs of boyz take the north of the field.  The deffdread and deffkoptas are in the center with another small mob of boyz on their flank.

The lobbaz cower like the grot they are behind the southern rocks.  Some kommandoz take position on the top of the hill.

With Boss Blackgutz, a small mob of boyz, and a large gaggle of gretchin held in reserve, Warboss Chainsaw calls his forces ready for action!

The shrine to Mork thrums with an unholy power.  The orks who are tasked with it's protection feel the power of cunning brutality radiating from the unhallowed stone!

The Dark Purifiers have rolled out their recently arrived Land Raider to hold the north of the field.  It is watched by the fearsome squad of terminators with the captain and chapter master in formation.

Tactical marines in squads 1, 2, and 3 hold and protect the center.

The dreadnought and tactical squad 4 are at the south end of the battlefield.

The snipers find cover at the top of the opposite hill from the ork kommandoz and take careful aim at the hated xenos.

"The blessed device is recording, brothers!  Set a grand example of what it means to serve the Emperor for all those who will follow in our glorious footsteps!"

And so it begins...

The mobz of boys that aren't guarding the shrine all move towards the humans at a run.

Those that do not run, position themselves to attack and then unleash a hail of hasty, loud, and quite inaccurate fire...

Attacks are as follows:

• The deffkoptas shoot their rokkits at the snipers and manage to kill one of them.
• The deffdread shoots at the terminator squad with its powerful kustom mega-blastas, but misses completely.
• The lobbaz bombard the snipers and kill one of them, pinning the rest.
• The kommandoz shoot at tactical squad 1 with their rokkits, but fail to hit anything.

Tactical squad 4 runs towards the lobbaz as the dreadnought moves up the hillside.

The land raider cruises to the middle of the map while the terminators move towards the mobs coming around the hill.

Tactical squad 2 moves so they can stand on top of the rock bridge, giving them an excellent field of fire.

The marines open fire:

• The dreadnought and tactical squad 2 open fire at the polluting deffkoptas.  Two of the offensive machines come crashing out of the sky.
• Tactical squads 1 and 3 shoot their heavy weapons at the kommandoz.  3 of the camouflaged orks die.
• The terminators unleash their fearsome weapons into mob2 and 8 boyz are splattered all over the hillside!

Mob2 is looking a bit lonely - the warboss joins mob1 while Ol' Boomy joins the kommandoz.

The pitiful remnants of mob2 takes a position on the crest of the north hill.

Mobs 1, 3, and 5 all move towards the marines that stand between them and the shiny 'no wotz that they lust after.

The deffdread positions itself to shoot through the cave at the tank.

The sole surviving deffkopta buzzes over the top of the dreadnought and swings its rokkits at the vulnerable bits on the walker's rear, with a savage and wild yell from the pilot.

Boss Blackgutz arrives from an unexpected quarter!  They leap behind tactical squad 4 and make menacing noises...

The grim results of ork combat:

• Mob1 and the deffdread shoot their heavy weapons at the land raider tank, but they all miss.
• The merger orks in mob2 shoot at tactical squad1 and also miss.
• The deffkopta rokkits miss completely as the wild-eyed pilot muffs his one chance at glory.
• The kommandoz shoot at the snipers, but every slug is a miss.  The orkish 'marksmanship' is stunning in it's suckyness!
• The lobbaz pound the snipers, killing a sniper and a marine from tactical squad2 who was too close.  None of the marines are pinned by the attack, however.
• Boss Blackgutz and his ladz rips through tactical squad 4 in a spray of crimson.  None of the space marines survive their brutal attack.

Most of the marines are in the exact position they want to be in and do not deign to move.

The terminators charge into mob1.

The dreadnought moves swiftly to avenge the fallen battle-brothers in tactical squad 4.

The land raider moves as close as it can to the cave entrance where it has a clear line of fire to the grinding deffdread.

The marines counterattack with the righteous fury of the Emperor:

• Tactical squad 3 fires a krak missile at the last deffkopta and blows it out of the sky.
• Tactical squads 1 and 2 join their firepower to that of the snipers who all blaze away at mob4.  The orks prove quite resilient to the attack as only two boyz die.  Sgt. Immortus puts a huge hole in the nob, but somehow the beast stays on its feet.
• The land raider shoots the deffdread with it's melta and blows the clanking horror into greasy scraps.  The assault cannon also speaks to the kommandoz above it, wasting 2 of them.
• The chapter master communicates via the vox to an orbiting spacecraft and a bombardment of epic proportions falls on the hapless heads of the lobbz!  All of the kannonz are wrecked or explode and three of their crew are vaporized by the kinetic blast!
• The dreadnought hits Boss Balckgutz men with his weapons and his power claw.  A total of 4 orkz die.
• The terminators pour their weapon fire into mob1 and eradicate all of the orks.  The warboss also is wounded and looks around in anger as he sees that he is leading a squad of corpses.  He does not have long to stew about it, as the terminators swarm him and pummel him to death.  He only manages to take a single terminator down with him as his indignant cries turn into mewling gurgles.

Hoping to stem the tide of bad luck, the orks unleash the power of the WAAAGH!

All of the ork mobs rush towards their foes in an attempt to prove that they are the "tuffiz one" and should lead the rest of this warband.

Some gretchin arrive from reserves to watch after the shrine.

Orkish assaults this turn:

• With an unearthly howl, Ol' Boomy points a finger at the space marine captain.  For a brief moment, nothing happens as the two heroes pit their willpower against each other - then the captain falls to the ground with a gasp of pain!  Before the horrified eyes of his men, the captain is polymorphed into a huge pink swine!  Ol' Boomy does a little jig in his fiendish delight at having afflicted his enemy with such a fearsome curse.
• Mob2 and the kommandoz shoot at the terminator squad.  The only result is that the captain/pig is knocked out due to the blast of a concussive rokkit.
• Boss Blackgutz and his men try to take down the dreadnought to no avail.
• Mob 4 tangles with the snipers, but neither side can get enough soldiers into the fight to damage the other.
• Mob 3 slam into the terminators with high hopes, but they are quickly dashed.  The terminator sergeant is taken down, but at the cost of ALL the rest of the orks!  Owch!
• Mob 2 tries to stop the relentless terminator marines and are brutalized into the blood-soaked grass for their insolence!  Double owch!!
• The kommandoz also try to stop the terminators and they do manage to kill one of them, but them the rest of the marines rip them to chunks in revenge.  All of them are wiped out!  This is horrible for the orks!  Triple owch!!!

Seeing that the vast majority of the ork force is now broken and bleeding on the ground, the space marine forces grimly move to finish their day's work.

Tactical squads 1 and 3 move back to create some strategic depth as the land raider tank moves to cover their retreat.

Tactical squad 2 moves to support the terminators.

The horror the greenskins must surely feel continues:

• The terminators charge into mob5 with all their weapons blazing.  6 of the orkz are cut down before they close, then a single terminator falls, but then vindication!  All of mob5 is wiped out, their bodies tossed onto the moldering piles of xeno-trash already reaped by the valiant of the Emperor.
• The dreadnought also finishes his bloody work by ripping apart the remainder of Boss Blackgutz force.
• The snipers are not nearly as adept at close quarters combat and manage to hold even with mob 4.  Two orkz die as do a pair of snipers.

The orks seem to be punch drunk at the stunning defeats they have suffered - one after the other.

Wild with religious fervor, the gretchin guarding the shrine to Mork foolishly charge into the blood-splattered terminators.

The lobba crew are ruthlessly driven to form a meat-shield between the shrine and the dreadnought by the gunz runtherd.

The pitiful results of combat this turn:

• The gretchin fire their rusty blastas at the terminator armor, but it's an insult to think that they did any damage.  When they slam into close-combat range, they wish that they hadn't - they are thrown around like little, ugly, and fragile dolls.  There are no survivors from the results of their pious assault...
• The combat between the snipers and mob4 is finally resolves at the last sniper falls, his knife killing his own murderer as he dies.

"Time to finish this, men!"

The dreadnought gladly moves to intercept the lobba crew, while the terminators secure the evil shrine to the orkish demon, Mork.

"Rig that abomonation for demolition, brothers."

"Right away, sir!"

All other space marines train their weapons on Mob 4, who foolishly crest the rock pile to stare into a thicket of widely-gaping boltgun bores...

"Duh... Oppz!?"

I can barely stand to report the following:

• The dreadnought stomps the lobba crew into the ground, taking great care to insure that not one of them survives to flee.
• The land raider uses it's heavy flamer and 3 orkz do the burny dance!
• Tactical squads 1, 2, and 3 rapid fire their boltguns and rip a series of new orifices into each of the aliens who dared to resist their well-earned eradication.  The nob is the last to die, his torso a charred hole courtesy of a melta blast at point-blank range.

As the last ork dies, a silence settles over the battlefield.  The game is called on account of sudden, violent death for all of Chainsaw's forces! 

Dark Purist Wins!  Chainsaw's nifty new tactic blew up right in his face!  The tank could not be resisted!  The glory of this battle will be reviewed for millennia-to-come by future initiates!

"Although our captain may be an injured swine, there is hope that the chapter librarian will know of a cure!  (Otherwise there's always 'The Bacon Solution'...)"

"Why does Mork abandon us in da hour of da biggezt needz?  WHY?!?!?!  Itz so BRUTAL!  ...  Oh.  Datz why."

AAR: September 15, 2012 - Mercenary Mercy

Several high-profile mercenaries have taken up residence in this area.  The space marines have eyed each of them as potential recruits...they badly need new initiates to replace their losses stemming from these constant clashes with the seemingly endless orkz.  The orkz have eyed these mercenaries as well...as potential snackz!  Warboss Chainsaw has a craving for "Humanpeno Popperz," and will not be denied!  The two belligerents arrive on the world and begin advancing towards their objectives.  What will be the fate of these mercenaries?  Will they end up serving the Emperor?  Or will they end up being served as an appetizer?

Capture and Control Mission with 4 objectives.

5x6 table. There are 4 mercs scattered
about the table.  One is on the triangular rock formation in the center.  2 are on the hills at the southwest and northeast corners.  The last is hiding in the easternmost trees.

Objectives will be shown in the iconic maps as black circles.  The color of the circle indicates which player has control of each one.

Orks versus Space Marines with 1511 point limit.

Chainsawz Ladz: 
HQ - Warboss
Elites - 15x Kommandoz with Boss Blackgutz (2x Burna)
Troops - 14x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 14x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 14x Boyz (Nob, Rokkit)
Troops - 7x Nobz (1x Power claw, Twin-linked shootaz, Cyborks, Painboy, 3x Ammo runts)
Troops - 18x Gretchin (Runtherd with grot-prod)
Fast Attack - 3x Deffkopptas (Twin-linked rokkits)
Heavy Support - 3x Lobba gunz (6x Extra crew, Runtherd, 3x Ammo runts)
Heavy Support - Deff Dread (2x Extra power claws)

"Dese mercs'll werk fur us -- and dey likes it, or we stompz em till dey do!!!"

Dark Purifiers
HQ - Captain
HQ - Librarian
Elites - Dreadnought (Power fist, Multi-melta)
Elites - 10x Terminators (2x Cyclone missile launchers, 2x Chain-fists, Power fists)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Flamer, Missile launcher)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Melta, Heavy bolter)
Troops - 6x Sniper Scouts with Sgt. Immortus (Missile launcher)
Fast Attack - 1x Marine Biker

"These mercenaries show promise...perhaps they will become initiates for our chapter!"

Space marines win the initiative and elect to set up on the north end.  The lone biker enters the field on the west end, intending to use the rocks as cover as he speeds towards one of the objectives.  Tactical squad 1 sets up on the other side of these same rocks.  The terminators are situated in roughly the center and are accompanied by Captain Drakon.  The dreadnought places himself between the terminators and the remaining tactical squads; squads 2, 3, and 4.  Squad 4 begins the battle accompanied by the librarian.

After infiltration, the snipers take position in the open field, just ahead of the dreadnought and tactical squad 2.  The space marine force ends up looking like a firing line, ready to sweep the field in a long arm as they advance upon the objectives.

The ork war machine ends up being much more concentrated (and numerous) than their foes.  Warboss Chainsaw and mob squad 1 is near the center, directly across from Captain Drakon and the terminators.  To their right is the nob squad, followed by mob squad 2.  The deffdread and 3 koptas stand in between mob 2 and mob 3.  The lobbaz set up shop on the southern high rocks.  Boss Blakgutz and the gretchin remain in reserve.  Hmmm...

LET THE CARNAGE COMMENCE!

Warboss Chainsaw is too hungry to steal initiative, so the space marines proceed.  Tactical squad 2 already controls one of the objectives, and elects not to move.  The bike turbo-boosts its way around the rocks and trees to the western edge.  Tactical squad 1 moves along the rocks to get a better vantage point of the battle.  Captain Drakon splits his terminator group into two, taking the first group to the west of the triangular rock while the other group goes to the east.  The dreadnought stomps up along side the second group of terminators.  Tactical squad 3 stays put, but tactical 4 advances along the base of the hill.  The Captain and his terminators fire through the cave in the triangular rocks at the nobz!  Storm bolters wound 1, while krak missiles kill 2.  The dreadnought shoots at mob squad 2 and kills 2 with his storm bolter and vaporizes another with his multimelta!  The heavy bolter in tactical 2 fires at mob 2 and kills one boy.  Tactical squad 1 fires at mob squad 1, but the effort is fruitless.  Tactical squad 4 fires at mob squad 2 and kills 2 additional boyz.  Tactical squad 3 fires a krak missile at the deffkoptas and hits!  The pilot proves extremely resilient and only suffers a wound, however! (we incorrectly applied instant death vs. bikes in this instance)  The snipers fire at the lobbaz and between frag and precision shooting, 5 grots are obliterated!  Mob squad 2 has suffered heavy losses already, and the nob is forced to make an example of one of the boyz trying to flee, squashing him in an effort to "maintain diziplin'."

What you see here is a result of the bloody affair.  Dirty work, killing orkz...yet as the space marines reload their weapons, the orkz move to retaliate!

The deffdread charges forward, eager to get the enemy into its terrible clutches.  The koptas also charge forward and fire at the dreadnought...to no effect!  Mob squad 2 moves up to the trees and secures one of the objectives!  Mob squad 3 runs forward and uses part of the rocks to cover their advance.  The nobz move up and shoot at the snipers...killing one!  Mob 1 advances forward fires its rokkit at the hated Captain...only to have him nonchalantly swat it aside with the back of his hand!  It explodes harmlessly off of his master-crafted artificer armour!  The lobbaz unload its ordinance on the Captain's squad...wounding him and killing one of the terminators!

After the firing is complete on both sides, the end of turn 1 looks like this...2 waves building up momentum, ready to crash into each other at any moment!

The bike continues to speed across the map, intent on harassing the lobbaz.  The dreadnought moves forward and fires its multimelta at the deffdread, immobilizing it!  Tactical 4 continues to advance and fires at the deffkoptas.  The accompanying librarian is denied a psyker power, but bolter fire brings down the wounded deffkopta!  A well-placed plasma shot from the sergeant wounds another!  Terminator squad 2 shoots at the deffkoptas, to no effect!  Tactical 3 brings down the wounded kopta with its missile, while rapid fire bolts wound the last one!  Tactical 1 continues moving forward and fires at mob 1, killing 2 of Chainsaw's ladz.  The Captain's terminator also moves forward and fires everything it has into mob 1.  Cyclone missiles kill 10 boyz, while storm bolters cut down the last 4!  The entire group is gunned down in a small, private hell!  The snipers continue firing at the lobbaz, missing with the missile but killing another 2 grots with sniper fire.  The lobbaz are pinned from the relentless assault!  Finally, tactical 2 fires at the remaining deffkopta...blowing it out of the sky with well placed bolter fire!

The carnage!  The horror!  Can the orkz return the "favor?"  Lets find out!

The gretchin serendipitously arrive from reserve and cut off the biker, gunning him down and ruining his effort to tie up the lobbaz!  Boss Blakgutz elects to remain in reserve though, biding his time.  Mob 3 continues to run forward, using the rocks to block line of sight.  Mob squad 2 fires at the terminators, but no shots yield any hits.  The nobz, now joined by Warboss Chainsaw (who suddenly found himself very alone a moment ago), charge the dreadnought and manage to hack apart something vital-looking...BLOWING IT UP in a bright, multi-coloured explosion!  The injured nob dies in the explosion, however.  "OH WELLZ," bellows Warboss Chainsaw, "More humiepeno poppaz for me!"

With the score tied, each player controlling one objective, we move to turn 3!

The librarian breaks off from his group and heroically moves towards Warboss Chainsaw'z group!  Maybe he wants to give the Warboss a library card to improve his woeful grammar.  No, this does not turn out to be the case!  Librarian uses smite!  It is not very effective!  Tactical 2 also fires into the same group...and is also not effective!  Tactical 4 moves towards and fires the meltagun at the deffdread, but misses!  Terminator group 2 shoots at the lobbaz, but the storm bolters are out of range.  Cyclone frag missiles kill 2 grots, however!  The Captain and his group of terminators fires at Warboss Chainsaw and his ladz...wounding the Warboss and an additional nob!  Tactical 3 also fires at the Warboss...but an errant frag missile explodes near the snipers!  Neither group is wounded.  The snipers shoot at the nobz and kill one with a krak missile!  Tactical 4 rushes the deffdread, who just now seems to be getting its mobility back...and wrecks the horrible machine with a well-places krak grenade!  The Captain and his entourage assaults Warboss Chainsaw and his ladz in an epic showdown...and 2 nobz are brutally butchered!  The librarian moves towards the Warboss himself...and sucks out the mighty ork'z soul with his force staff!  No snackz for Warboss Chainsaw this day!

It is horrible!  It is terrible!  It is butchery!  Where is OETO (Orkz for da Eth'kul Treetment of Orkz) when you need them?!

All is not lost, however!  For (the now) Warboss Blakgutz chooses to arrive on the scene, and bellows the WAAAGH!!!!  One wonders if his delay was a planned effort to become the new warboss.  Hmm...anyhow, he arrives in the worst possible place for the space marines, ambushing tactical 2 from the rear and neutralizing their control of the objective!  His group cuts down the entire squad of marines, at the cost of only 1 kommando!  The lobbaz fire at terminator group 2, trying to take out the hated cyclone missile launchers!  However the terminators shrug off an obscene amount of hits like an umbrella under rain.  Such is the power of the mighty terminator armor!  Mob squad 3 rounds the rocks and attacks the librarian, ripping him apart for killing their beloved Warboss!  What remains of the nobz assaults the Captain's squad, trying to slow them up.  3 terminators are felled!  However, the cost is great as both the painboy and the remaining nobz are brutalized.

Despite heavy losses, the orkz are actually winning at this point in the game!  They control 1 objective to the space marine's 0!  Can the straggling and diminishing ork forces hang on for a victory?

Needing objectives, Captain Drakon orders the snipers to flee into the triangular cave to secure the mercenary there!  However, their run is mired by corpses and confusion and they do not get very far.  Tactical 3 fires into the newly arrived kommando unit, killing 3 with a missile and another 3 with rapid fire bolters.  Even Warboss Blakgutz suffers a wound from the swarm of bolts!  Tactical 1 moves towards the objective that is being challenged by the gretchin, and fire at the enemy group!  5 grots are scorched by the flamer like burnt popcorn, and other is blown apart by a bolter!  Captain Drakon breaks off from his terminators and fires at mob 2, but the heavy cover prevents any wounds.  The terminators that he previously accompanied fire at the lobbaz, busting one of the mighty guns and wasting a grot for good measure!  Tactical 1 assaults what is left by the panicking gretchin and cuts 7 of them down...they flee the field in terror!  The last terminator in group 2 charges mob 3...but his powerfist proves to be too slow and cumbersome, as he is butchered before he can even swing it.

Many interesting developments give the orkz hope...can they capitalize?  Lets see how they react!

The lobbaz return fire at the terminators, but no harm is done.  mob 3 moves towards tactical 3 and kills 2 marines with slugga fire!  Warboss Blakgutz is on to the snipers and their plan, and moves to intercept!  Mob 2 attempts to shoot a the snipers, but is largely out of range!  Mob 3 assaults tactical squad 3on the hill, but only manages to kill 1 marine.  The kommandos assault the snipers and kill 3 of them!  Blakgutz himself personally rips apart a 4th!  The snipers manage to kill 2 kommandos in the melee, and Sergeant Immortus gives Warboss Blakgutz another wound for his trouble.

This one might come right down to it, folks!  Will the terminators and the captain get back to their objectives in time?  Can the ork scoring units be stopped?  How will the orkz respond to the certain impending capture of an objective by tactical 1?  Stay tuned to find out!

As expected, tactical 1 moves in and takes the objective uncontested.  The terminators advance towards mob 2 and unload, but the orkz have gone to ground, giving them cover which prevents and deaths!  They are rejoined by the captain, who then assault the cowering orkz!  6 boyz and the nob are crushed in the ensuing scrum!  The captain is wounded again, however...and a terminator falls.  Without their nob though, the boyz panic; and in the confusion, are brutally chunked by powerfists and thunder hammer!  Mob 3 is wiped out and the orkz lose control of the objective!  Tactical 3 fights back against he orkz coming up the hill, but it proves to be little more than playful slapping as neither side is injured.  Sergeant Immortus and Warboss Blakgutz end up showing each other their battle scars instead of duking it out (we forgot to resolve this assault, a very bad mistake that ended up favoring the space marines).

The lobbaz elect to fire at the terminators in an effort to pin them...however once again, the shells fail to harm the mighty armored veterans.  Warboss Blakgutz is enraged that Sergeant Immortus indeed has more impressive battle scars and that his entire troop of kommandos saw as much, so grizzled sergeant is ripped apart for "winning" that competition.  The last squad of boyz finished off the marines on the hill, but not before 1 boy is killed and the nob is wounded.

Wow, look at this situation.  LOOK AT IT.  One ork scoring unit in range of an objective.  One ork unit in position to tie up the only space marines in range to contest.  The score is currently 1-0 space marines, but this could easily be a draw.  The next moves and rolls will be critical!

The Captain and his men move towards the ork boyz.  They fire!  2 boyz are killed by storm bolters.  They continue by assaulting what is left of the boyz...and CRUSH every last one!  The entire mob is wiped out!  The orks have no units left capable of capturing objectives! 

It's looking bad!  The only hope the orks have is that they can get their kommandos to the space marine objective to neutralize it before the game ends!  That, or kill tactical 1 with the lobbaz!  Neither option looks promising!

The kommandos run, but cannot make it far enough!  The lobbaz fail to produce any deaths!

Me think maybe we goez now!  Ya, dats da tikkit!
 

At the end of this turn, the random-game-length roll ends the entire game.  It's all over, folks!

Dark Purist Wins! The end score is 1-0, in a brutal match filled with casualties on both sides!

"Welcome to the chapter, brother!  Your life now serves the Emperor!"

"Hey Blakgutz...isn't dat da 2nd warboss you sees turned into a raisin?  How 'bout dat?"

Crossover - Chapter 6

Jorin and Bort both snap out of the effects of the mental blast at roughly the same time.  Shaddar watches with humor as they take in the blood-soaked alleyway in disbelief.  Their costumes and faces are speckled with dots of blood, as the bodies of the constables lie scattered around them in a rough circle.

Bort at once loses control of himself and vomits messily on the ground.  Jorin’s head snaps from one dead man to the next, his mouth working soundlessly at first, but then he begins to talk in loud exclamations.

“Mist demons!  What happened?  Look at all the blood…”

Bort drags a sleeve across his face while muttering, “Something happened to their heads.  Their heads, by all the gods!”

Shaddar decides that he must be careful with these fragile and innocent fools or he will lose them as pawns.

He steps gingerly around the corpses and guides both humans from the scene while saying, “It was horrible. Horrible.  Some people from the Guild came and… well, I am too much of a gentleman – I can not say what then took place.”

“What?!”

“The Guild of Villains did this?”  Both men stop moving and stare at Shaddar with utter disbelief clearly written on both their features and in their thoughts.

Shaddar turns back to wave one hand languidly at the grisly scene. “What other guild could I be referring to?”

Jorin’s instant thought is very interesting: “The Guild of Heroes I suppose, but they would never do something like this.  Why would they?”  Shaddar tucks this information away for later.

Bort mumbles while fearfully looking at the slowly expanding pools of red, “But they’ve never done anything like this before…”

Shaddar gently touches their minds, causing them to feel trust and calmness as he speaks.  “It appears that their methods have coarsened.  There is only one thing to do, fellows.”  Both men turn their faces back to his.  “We will form our own Guild to oppose them.  We shall be the Guild of Swashbuckling Rogues!  You will be the first of our members and we will directly oppose the Guild of Villains.”

The sudden flare of pure cowardice that goes through both of the human’s faces turns Shaddar’s stomach, but he continues in the same tone, “And as founding members, you will get… five percent.”  The fear in their expressions is now tingled with glints of avarice.  Shaddar is amazed at the greed of these weak humans – as if wealth is the center of their entire world.  He resolves to test another aspect of the greed humanity shares as a common character flaw.  He quickly gives the minotaur a mental command.

Toothsnatcher steps forward and enters the conversation as instructed.  With a deep, horrible voice he says, “Three.”

Shaddar nods briskly, “Ah, yes.  I meant to say three.  Three percent!”

The humans instantly respond to this challenge of their offered windfall by haggling.  Jorin puffs his checks out and furrows his brow as he bellows, “Four!  I demand it!”

Shaddar puts a calming hand on the minotaur’s burly arm and asks, “What do you think?  Is this reasonable?”  More mental instructions tell the thrall how to respond and he does so at once.

With a dissatisfied grunt the beast mutters, “Fine.  Four.”

The delight at having ‘won’ the business deal is instant.  Both humans look slyly at one another and Shaddar marvels at how easy they are to manipulate.  “Are all humans this simple?” he wonders.  It certainly appears to be so from the minds he has sampled thus far in the city.

“These fools do not even know the context for their arrangement with me!” he thinks with humor, “Four percent of what?”  For a brief moment he imagines dropping a sticky mass of brains onto a table in front of these two.  “Here you are!  Four percent!  What’s the matter?  Don’t you like it?  It’s your agreed upon winnings!”

He discards these idle thoughts and returns to the current situation.  “Come!  We must find a quiet place where we can discuss our future plans.”  As he begins to walk towards what looks like a larger street, the two men stop him.

“Oh, not that way!”

“Them’s the streets.  We should, you know, stick to the border zones.”

“What do you mean?”  Shaddar asks.

“Well,” Jorin begins, “The streets are under the control of the constables and other proper folk.  And the slums are where the Guild holds sway.  In-between – where we are right now – that’s the border zones and a free spirit can make a decent living from both sides.  Not as many eyes watching you here in the border.”

Interesting.  Shaddar wonders who is actually in control of these people.  How is such rigid order maintained here?

“Very well,” he says, “Perhaps you know of a suitable place?”

“Indeed I do,” Jorin says with a slight bow, “Follow us, sirs!”

The group leaves sight of the side-street.  Left behind is a horrible scene of blood and gore as five bodies (sans their brains) are left lying in the alleyway in a massive pool of blood.  Shaddar is glad that one of the constables escaped.  The grim scene of death combined with the terrified report will serve to upset the balance of power in the city.  A fine opening move – sure to upset and expose the players, whomever they are.  “And to let them all know that things are about to change,” he thinks with malice.

As they walk, Shaddar feels almost uncomfortably full.  Too many brains in too short a period of time.  “I must pace myself or I will become as fat as the slave-warden, Baliforn.  If he still lives.”  Shaddar pushes that thought from his mind.  Whether his native city is still populated or not, without the elder brain it will be a hollow place where he is the least powerful.  Here in this new land, filled with easy brains and the promise of power, he can rule and grow his own personal talents unfettered.

Soon they arrive at a tavern.  The sign outside names it as “The Jester and Hawk Meadhall”.  At no time during their journey does Shaddar see any of the ruin or filth that he expects from a human city.  He takes this as a further sign of someone having an iron-like grip of control on the humans who live here.  Surely, left to their own devices, such simpletons would be choking on their own wastes!

There are only three other men inside the building, but they quickly leave after taking in the monstrous appearance of Shaddar and his minions.  His tentacles make motions of amusement as they hurry off.

“Ho, there, Hawke!  We need six pints!” Jorin calls out once they are seated.  A man with white, sightless eyes nods and busies himself at the bar.

“Hawke is a good sort.  Doesn’t say much and since he’s blind, he can always say that he’s not seen us for years.”  Jorin confides to Shaddar in a low voice.

“Excellent.  I can see that your contacts and talents will be very valuable to our endeavor.  Exactly the kinds of… associates we need.”  Shaddar almost used the word partners, but that would be elevating these idiots far above their proper station. Still, the praise hits the mark and both men look quite happy. 

Shaddar introduces his thralls to the men, “This is Cutt, Toothsnatcher and Loolipo.  You have already introduced yourselves as Jorin and Bort, of course.”

“And your name is?” Bort asks with a raised eyebrow.

“You may call me ‘The Boss’,” Shaddar replies smoothly, “It would not do for my real name to get out.  A hidden leader will cause our competition to respect all of us the more.”  Before they can question this he continues in a brisk tone, “ The first order of business is that of uniforms.  I have admired your fine outfits – where did you get them?”

Bort fingers the outlandish paper mustache now on the table, “We made them ourselves.”

“Yeah, you can tell from their quality,” puts in Jorin.

“I can tell from their quality,” agrees Shadder amiably.  “You must make or obtain outfits for my entourage that match your own.  To be a new guild, we must all look alike – well, all of you must.  As the leader of our band, I will retain a unique appearance, suitable for diplomacy.  But they must look as you do – clothing, boots, and all of the accessories as well.”

The gnome is disgusted, glaring at the shoddy workmanship of the cheap-looking outfits.  “I don’t want to look like them,” he complains in a weedy voice.  The kuo-toa frowns and lets out an indignant squawk.

“Hairy lip not good for me,” Toothsnatcher grumbles.  The minotaur is clearly annoyed at the idea of having to wear a curly mustache under his fine bovine snout.

Shaddar slaps one palm to the table with a crack.  “Silence!”

His thralls stop their complaints at once, each of them nods once and they say nothing more.

Jorin and Bort look from the thralls to Shaddar with amazement that slowly dawns into high respect.  From their thoughts, the muggers take the immediate obedience on the part of the thralls as a sign of how they should behave.  This is not an unintended consequence of the conversation and Shaddar is pleased that the lesson has been taught as he wished.

“This organization will mask my activities in Big City,” Shaddar thinks.  “Excellent.”

Chapter 1               < Chapter 5               Chapter 7 >

Crossover - Chapter 5

Shaddar throws open the sewer grate and lets it hit the ground with a bang.  It is obvious to his mental senses that there are no other thinking beings in the near vicinity and besides – he is feeling extremely confident.

The minotaur sticks his head up to test the scents in the air and snorts heavily.  The beast is the least nervous of the three thralls, but the strange smells have him angrier than usual.  All of them are showing signs of nervousness.

“I’ve never been in the sun!” whines the gray gnome, Cutt.  “I don’t want to go!”  The kuo-toa seconds the gnome’s statement with wet, unhappy gurgles.  The bug-eyed, amphibian biped in particular is not happy about coming up into the bright sunlight that she has never actually experienced before.

“Come, come,” he broadcasts to his thralls who wait below, “At once.”  With his firm mental command, the thralls move.  Shaddar turns from them with his hands on his hips to inspect his new surroundings.

Shaddar has never actually been in any city other than his home, deep underground, so he is not sure if what he sees is normal or not, but he doubts it.  He has, of course, read and studied a great deal and knows that all other races wallow in their own filth.  Those who are not of the race are surrounded by trash and vermin by their own preferences.

This alleyway is not like that.

It is clean, with no trace of dirt or litter.  There are no mars or damaged sections on the walls, either.  If it was not daylight it would be quite dark, with no place for torches or lamps, but it is by no means what he expected.

Snorting in disregard, Shaddar motions for his thralls to secure the area.  Quickly the doors at the corners of the alley intersection are found to be locked.  They are alone.

Faint sounds of voices drift from one direction and Shaddar can sense mental activity as well.  Imperiously he leads the way, his tentacles slowly writhing in the excitement of this new adventure.  The alley opens onto a small street. 

The sight that greets his eyes is unexpected. 

Two men stand on the corner.  Both are wearing frilly, open-throated shirts with voluminous fabric puffs on their shoulders and sleeves.  Leather boots reach high onto their legs followed by brightly colored hose.  Both men wear an eye-patch, but it is plain that neither of them have a need – their eyes are fine.  Most ridiculous of all, however, are the huge paper mustaches that each man has strung under their noses with thread.

The shorter of the two costumed men stands five feet in front of the other with a sign-board hanging over his chest that reads, “Mugging Service” in bold red letters.  Beneath this in smaller letters, the sign continues, “Entertain your friends and show your bravery!”

“What is this?” Shaddar thinks with disbelief.

“Right.  You’re next folks.”  The man with the sign waves forward a group of five people from a line that goes around the corner and out of Shaddar’s sight.

The group that walks forward consists of an older, gray-haired couple and what can only be their almost grown children.  They are dressed in very fine clothes and it is clear from skimming their thoughts that the patriarch is not thrilled with the entertainment his family is participating in.

The second mustachioed man lunges at the group brandishing what looks like a pewter butterknife.

“This is a mugging!” he yells to the excited titters of the dowager and her daughters, “Your money or your life!”

“This is an outrage, sir!” sputters the gentleman, “Don’t you know who I am?”

“Not only do I not know who you are,” The mugger curls his lip dramatically as he replies with a theatrical pause, “I don’t care.”  The man’s wife looks like she is about to swoon.  The gentleman’s face turns blotchy red and his teenage children gasp in shock.

“Now hand over your coin!” The mugger flashes the dull blade in the air in a parody of menace.

Stoically, the red-faced gentleman hands over a bulging purse.  Shaddar shakes his head in amazement as the mugger digs through the purse contents, withdraws a single coin and tosses the rest back!

“Now begone!  Next time, you’ll not be so lucky!”  With a indignant sound, the fine gentleman hurries away, angrily chastising his family for the experience.  The man’s daughters begin to laugh and the man’s wife tut-tuts him as they go.

“Next!” the shorter mugger hollers and pushes forward a young couple who, from their thoughts, are not yet wed.  Shaddar watches as the young man pushes the girl behind him in a show of chivalry.

As before, the mugger with the butterknife lunges towards them.

“Your money or your life!  This is a mugging!”

“I’m not afraid of you,” the young man says while tilting his head back, “I don’t believe you are a villain at all.  Just playacting as one.”  The girl’s mocking eyes agree as they peek over her beau’s shoulder.

The mugger’s ears turn red.  “Not a villain, you say?  Watch yourself, boy, or I’ll… I’ll hurt ya.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“And what would you say if I took advantage of your lady-friend, eh?”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Oh, no?”  And the mugger shoves the young man from his date and steals a quick kiss.  The woman faints with a terrified squeak and her fellow barely manages to catch her.

“You horrible person!  You villain!”  The young man is stricken as he tries to revive his sweetheart from her ordeal.

Cackling with real satisfaction, the mugger snatches the young man’s purse and withdraws two coins.  Holding them where the young man can see he snarls, “That lip of yours just cost you double, lad!  Now get lost!”

Shaddar watches the young couple scamper off with amusement clearly flowing across his tentacles motions.  How droll.  With a toss of his head to his thralls, he walks around the corner and gets in line.  Many of the others in line take one look at him and quickly leave, but others are far too busy watching the show that the ‘muggers’ are putting on to even notice him.

Slowly drumming his fingers on his crossed arms, Shaddar and his entourage wait. 

And then it is their turn.  The short man is frozen with uncertainty as he sees who is next in line, but Shaddar brushes past him.  The man with the dull blade jumps out of the shadows.

“This is a mugging!  Your money or yer…” the mugger’s voice trails off into an inarticulate noise, staring with disgust and shock at the slowly-udalating, tentacled face before him.  Shaddar puts his hands on his hips. 

“How about your money or your life?” he asks with menace.

“Err…  What?”

Shaddar makes a gesture in the direction of the mugger’s pouch.  “All of those little coins you’ve been collecting?”  He holds out his clawed hand, “Right here.  Right now.”

“Now look, I’m working this corner.  We don’t want any trouble, sir.”

“And yet you have some…  Unfortunate.”

The mugger licks his lips and glances around, but all the other customers and people are gone.  In a almost whisper he asks, “Are you Guild?”

“Well, no.  We are new here,” Shaddar answers with less ice in his tone.

The mugger grins hugely at this reply and speaks loudly, “Oh, ho!  Not Guild are we?”

Shaddar is thinking quickly.  This simpleton may be just what he needs.  He begins using tones of reconciliation.  “No.  We wish to be villains in your fine city, as you are.  Pray – tell us how this works.”

The man stands up straighter and foolish pride lights his features and his thoughts.  “Ah!  Heard of Jorin and Bort have you?  Came to learn from the best have we?”  He laughs and looks over at his partner, “How about that, eh, Bort?”  Bort manages a flicker of a half-smile before returning his fearful stare at Shaddar and his monsters.

Jorin smirks at them, “First of all, your costumes are… a little vulgar.”

“We’re more for shock value.”

“I can see that,” mutters Bort.

Jorin ignores his friend’s comment.  “Well, a very minor portion of the populace will appreciate your…  er…”

Shaddar’s eyes narrow, “Yes?”

“Aura,” Jorin finishes lamely.  He shudders and continues, “It is impressive, but it’s just not going to pay.  And the more flamboyant you are, the more likely it is you’ll attract the attention of the Guild.”

“Tell me about the Guild.”

“Well, you know…  The Guild!  The Guild of Villains?  Everyone has heard of them!”

Shaddar finds it difficult not the laugh at this, but manages.  He asks in a serious tone, matching that of the human, “And are you part of the Guild?”

“Nah!” Jorin waves the question down with a sneer, “They’d always be wanting a cut of everything and telling us what to do.  No, me and Bort are free spirits!”

Shaddar nods in complete understanding, “And this is why we are not going to be part of the Guild.  We are starting our own Guild.”

“Ah…”

“You think they will stop us, perhaps?  How?  Will they ask us for our money or our lives?”  Shaddar tips his head back and laughs at the thought.  The minotaur somehow also gets the joke and begins a snorting, bellowing laugh in chorus with the mind flayer’s that sounds unholy and brutal.

Jorin and Bort both look like they have been pinched at this and begin to gather their things and cast fearful glances around the side-street.  Jorin is talking quickly as they move slowly away, “Well!  That’s very interesting.  I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time with that.  Very exciting and all…  Oh!  Look at that – it’s three bells already?  Must be off, lads!”

Bort nods vigorously, “Yeah, you can’t stay in one place for too long or the constabulary will catch you!”

“Right you are, Bort!  That’s a good tip – and a free one for you lot on your road to villainy,” Jorin says over one shoulder as he and his partner quickly move down the street, “Never want to tangle with the constables.  They’re nothing but trouble!”

As he speaks, a group of six men in dark blue uniforms round the corner at a run.  The one at the head of the group points a think club at the two muggers who have frozen in the middle of the street.

“Jorin and Bort!  I might have known!  When will you two learn that we don’t tolerate unlicensed villainy in Big City?  Get ‘em men!”  At this, the five men in uniform tackle the two muggers and wrestle them to the ground amidst cursing and hollers.

Shaddar shakes his head in disbelief.  How pathetic these humans are!  And the slavish nobility to “the law” that he sees in the minds of the constables and especially the sergeant of this group is doubly so.  Their laws are meaningless – as are their lives.  Only the goals of the illithid race can have any meaning in the universe.  Their silly notions of right and wrong are folly.  With a step forward, he resolves to instruct them…

“Muggings!  Muggings here!  Step right up!  Your money or your life!  Just get in line please – no pushing is required!” Shaddar shouts loudly.  The constables and the two humans on the ground all look over at him in confusion.  The sergeant straightens his coat and walks over boldly.

He jerks a fat thumb over his shoulder at the two men pinned on the ground, “I know these two jokers, but I’ve never seen you fellows before.”  He looks around the street in insure that no one will overhear, then asks, “Are you proper villains, sir?  Or do you just look like ones?”

Shaddar’s anger grows at the impertinent thoughts running through this human’s mind.  The lesson that he was going to teach has been changed – it will now be a permanently lasting one.

With slime beginning to drip from his tentacles Shaddar hisses, “Your money or your life…”

“I don’t understan-“

Shaddar walks quickly towards the man, closing the distance as he rapidly and angrily speaks, “It is quite simple.  A transaction is required.  Your laws do not matter.  Nor does your false authority.  It is thus: you give me the money that you value so much or the remainder of your lifespan.  It is a simple enough concept.”

“Ah…”  Shaddar’s furious tone seems to deflate the sergeant and he takes a step backwards.

“And since you have made no motion to give me your money, I can only conclude that you wish to pay me in only the other form of currency that you possess.”

“Huh?”  At this point Shaddar looms over the sergeant, his tentacles twitching with emotion and excitement.

“I can sense that it is no vast currency, so you will not be bothered at its loss.”

With relish, Shaddar releases a powerful blast from his mind, instantly stunning every one of the humans before him with the exception of the constable farthest away from him.  The sergeant sinks to his knees and Shaddar’s tentacles wrap around the man’s head.

A hideous slurping sound echoes down the street and then the sergeant hits the cobblestones like his strings have been cut.

Blood dripping from his tentacles, Shaddar muses, “Or not.”

He quickly walks to the pile of constables and rips another man’s head open, keeping his eyes firmly upon the one man who still has his wits about him.  The constable's face is totally white and he begins to gibber at the horrific sight before him.

“Am I a proper villain now?”  Shaddar says in a harsh and phlegmy whisper.

Another man dies with casual indifference.  “How about now?”

The unstunned constable flees the scene, screaming as if he has lost his mind.

Chapter 1               < Chapter 4               Chapter 6 >