AAR: September 1, 2012 - No Juice for You

A Tau fire warrior has stumbled across and ancient C'tan recipe for the ULTIMATE FIGHT'N JUICE!  Much more potent than regular fungus beer, this brew is rumored to drive orkz into a legendary, nigh-unkillable berserker frenzy.  Further, the first space marine to recon the situation ends up sampling the fire warrior's first batch, rendering him into an unconscious stupor!  News of this Tau brewmaster reaches Warboss Chainsaw, who arrives on the planet to "secure" his "indentured services."  Meanwhile, the Dark Purifiers (a combined Ultramarines and Storm Herald task force) led by Captain Drakon move to intercept the orkz before they can acquire this apocalyptic knowledge, as well as stage a rescue for the incapacitated marine whom Chainsaw'z Ladz are trying to scavenge for "hard humie shinies."

Capture and Control Mission.

5x6 table.  You can see the vat containing the juice on the west end.

Large scattered boulders are impassible, while the rocky hills can be negotiated at certain points.  Trees serve as cover and difficult terrain.

Orks versus Space Marines with 1511 point limit.

Chainsawz Ladz: 
HQ - Warboss
HQ - Zzaphead (Ol' Boomy)
Elites - 15x Kommandoz with Boss Blackgutz (2x Burna)
Troops - 19x Shoota Boyz (Nob with power claw, Big shoota)
Troops - 23x Boyz (Nob, Big shoota)
Troops - 12x Gretchin (Runtherd)
Troops - 12x Gretchin (Runtherd)
Troops - 5x Nobz (Big choppa, 'eavy armor, Painboy)
Heavy Support - 3 Lobba gunz (1x Extra crew, Runtherd, 3x Ammo runts)
Heavy Support - Battlewagon ('ard case, Deff rolla, Armor plates, 2x Big shoota)
Heavy Support - Deff Dread (2x Extra power claws)

"Bloo on da outside - red in da middal!"


Ultramarine Dark Purifiers
HQ - Captain Uriel Drakon
HQ - Librarian Epistolary (Gate of Infinity, Smite)
Elites - Dreadnought (Power fist, Multi-melta)
Elites - 10x Terminators (2x Cyclone missile launchers, 2x Chain-fists, Power fists)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Flamer, Missile launcher)
Troops - 10x Tactical Marines (Melta, Heavy bolter)
Troops - 6x Sniper Scouts with Sgt. Immortus (Missile launcher)
Fast Attack - 1x Marine Biker

"Deff Dread?  More like a Daft Dread..."

Objectives:

The Tau brewmaster cowers in fear at the loud hoots of the incoming orkz!  Will the space marines protect him?  There are so few of them....





Hopefully the Astartes have an organ that can clear nasty hangovers quickly.  His comrades must rescue him quickly, before the blasphemous orkz have had a chance to strip him of his power armor.

The northern objective indicates the downed space marine, while the rock formation in the southeast is occupied by the hiding Tau.  Driven by the desire to rescue one of their own, the disciplined marine force wins the initiative and sets up first.

Tactical squad 1 (comprised of combat squads 1 and 2) take position on the rock formation to secure the Tau fire warrior.  Honored brother Augustus pilots his dreadnought armor in between the objective and combat squad 3, ready to lend support to whichever should need it most.  A full terminator squad sits directly in the center of the southern portion of the map, led by Captain Drakon himself and accompanied by the chapter's epistolary librarian, who wields fearsome psychic power.  The final combat squad is set up to their east, threatening a wide area of the battlefield with suppressive heavy bolter fire.  The lone, grizzled bike veteran of a hundred battles stands ready to continue his campaign of skirmishing terror at the eastmost end!  Sgt. Immortus and his squad of death dealers are already on the scene, fortified in the rock formation in the center of the map to deliver field superiority (and to stay out of the range of the hated and terrible Boss Blakgutz).

A short trek on foot after leaving their rok leads the orkz to find the downed space marine on a patch of stone.  Lobbaz and nobz secure the area surrounding the beleaguered marine while a gretchin mob is tasked with stripping his bitz for Warboss Chainsaw.  At the northwest corner, a battlewagon provides cover to a second gretchin mob and a group of boyz led by Ol' Boomy, the resident weirdboy.  A deffdred marches alongside to support.  Meanwhile, Warboss Chainsaw and his entourage of boyz occupy the northeast corner of the map, intent on cutting off any puny humies that try to steal back his rightful (under ork squatter law, section XIV, paragraph 6) bitz!  Unseen is the feared Boss Blakgutz, Warboss Chainsaw'z right-hand ork, waiting to hit the marines where they are weakest.

Let the game begin!

Wasting no time, brother Augustus moves to the base of the western rocky hill.  Combat squad 3 accompanies but remains slightly to his right.  Combat squad 4 moves ahead to position their heavy bolter into a spot less favorable to the orkz.  Ready to pop some gretchin heads, the biker initiates his turbo-boosters and zooms towards the objective while staying near the eastern rocky hill for cover.  The epistolary attempts to deliver the terminator squad through the Gate of Infinity; but the warp proves difficult to navigate and instead of ending up near the central trees, they find themselves emerging next to combat squad 3.

The missile from Sgt. Immortus' squad misses badly, but the snipers manage to put down 3 enemies--including 1 grot and the runtherder, courtesy of the sergeant himself.  The dreadnought fires a blast from his multi-melta at the battlewagon, but the scorching beam goes just wide.  The missile from combat squad 1 hits its target the deffdred, but fails to so much as slow the voracious machine.

Ol' Boomy and his boyz embark into the battle wagon as to avoid the incoming dreadnought fire.  The wagon moves ahead at a leisurely pace, intent on firing its weapons at the marine biker.  The deffdred stomps forward at full speed, eager to cut marines to gory chunks with its horrible and gruesome weaponry.  Chainsaw and his ladz move to the northern corner of the eastern rocky hill to deliver a nasty surprise to the biker when he gets into range.  Gretchin mob 1 opts to stay put, wary of entering the range of the space marines' feared weaponry.  This also puts them in a position to lend a hand to gretchin mob 2, should they need assistance stripping the bitz from the downed space marine.

Ol' Boomy tries to muster up a psyker power, but is unable to concentrate adequately in the tightly-packed wagon.  The battlewagon itself fires a salvo in the direction of the biker...and scores a DIRECT HIT!  The rider is blown completely backwards off of his bike as the shell hits him squarely in the aquila, while the bike putters to a stop, undamaged.  As he lay dying with his  sucking chest wound, the grizzled veteran manages to gasp, "better to die in the Emperor's service, than to live as a xeno!" before falling silent.  The rest of the Dark Purifiers vow revenge for the fall of their exalted comrade!  Meanwhile, Warboss Chainsaw spots the pristine, riderless bike and loudly proclaims, "Oi, LADZ!  Whoever brings me dat 'umie scoota get the first taste o' da SUPA BEER!  Me wanna ride dat in victory circles round a big pile o' 'umie corpses...dat ride better be smooth, so's I dun spill me brew!  WAAAGH!!!!"  While distracted by their first casualty, the sniper squad suffers a death from the lobbaz.

Incensed, brother Augustus continues his ascent of the western rocky hill, giving him a formidable height and vision advantage.  He can now see and hit much of the ork force with little fear of retaliation.  Combat squad 3 moves west to the position previously occupied by the dreadnought.  Captain Drakon and his force of terminators move north to engage Warboss Chainsaw.

Now in position, combat squad 4 unloads a blistering hail of heavy bolter fire and manages to quite literally peel one of the grots off of the downed space marine, killing him violently.  After making an adjustment, a second missile from the sniper squad manages to burst 2 more grots and wound one of the nobz in the group behind the gretchin.  The gretchin who survived the explosion were impudently met by a rain of sniper fire, killing 3 more.  Meanwhile, while Warboss Chainsaw is loudly carrying on, Captain Drakon and his terminators fire at the noisy ork and his unit.  The result is VERY messy...between 4 frag missiles and a barrage of storm bolter fire, 14 boyz get wasted in a grim display of the veterans' efficiency and accuracy.  Brother Augustus misses with his multi-melta again, this time his target being the deffdred who is getting uncomfortably close to his brothers.  He is however satisfied when his brothers in combat squad 3 manage to incapacitate the uncouth machine with their melta gunner!  The high powered weapon completely obliterates the walker's ramshackle cooling system, quickly overheating the ork machine and rendering it useless.  The ork pilot inside is heard banging on the walls of his soon-to-be steel tomb, pleading for help: "urhh...can someork get a kan opena and crack dis open?  Gettin a 'lil hot in here...!!!"  With the enemy walker no longer a threat, combat squad 1 fires a krak missile at the battlewagon, causing the crew to be shaken on a glancing hit.  The remaining gretchin tasked with salvaging the downed marine decide that some ceramite plates are not worth getting vaped over, and wisely flee the battle!

Warboss Chainsaw bellows at gretchin mob 1 to continue the salvage job left incomplete by the now-decimated gretchin mob 2.  The runt herder cracks his whip and they all comply, moving towards the objective.  Due to the wrecked heap of what used to be the deffdred, the battlewagon must now take the long route around the juice vat to get to the brewmaster, and opts to do so at cruising speed.  Warboss Chainsaw, unsettled by the fury delivered to him by the terminator squad, moves his unit behind the hill to cancel line of sight and stop the terrible onslaught.  Boss Blakgutz does not arrive on this turn, instead choosing to bide his time until the marines least expect him.

Unfortunately for morale failures and running/repositioning, the only attacks that the orkz are able to pull off is more bombarding of the imbedded sniper team from the lobbaz.  The results are satisfying, however...killing all in the squad except for Sgt. Immortus himself!  The sergeant once again displays his legendary nerves of steel however, and does not so much as flinch as his brothers around him are reduced to a fine, bloody mist.

Combat squad 2 breaks off from combat squad 1 and moves towards the base of the western rocky hill, anticipating Boss Blakgutz's impending arrival.  Combat squad 3 moves farther up the rocky hill nearby the hulking dreadnought.  Captain Drakon's squad of terminators advances forward to deliver the wrath of the Emperor at the nob squad. 

Sgt. Immortus manages to hit a pair of nobz with his rifle; however, the tougher orkz shrug off the damage and remain 100% combat effective.  The nobz continue to show their great resilience by escaping the heavy bolter fire unscathed.  Brother Augustus manages to hit the battlewagon with his mighty multi-melta, but the hit glances and merely scares orkz operating the vehicle.  A missile from combat squad 1 manages to find it mark in gretchin squad 1, brutally vivisecting 4 of them with white hot fragmentations!  Captain Drakon turns his attention to their incapacitated comrade and directs his men to fire at the nob squad.  The terminators replace their frag missiles with krak missiles, making a mockery of the nobz's tougher hide and armor by totally obliterating a full-health nob in one hit.  Storm bolter fire cuts down another and wounds a third.  Finally, the gretchin in gretchin group 1 want to follow the example set by their bretheren....however, the runtherder is having none of it and makes an example of one of the cowardly grots by feeding it to his hungry squig.  "Gotta keepz 'em orderly!"

The battlewagon continues moving forward and then comes to a halt, unloading its green payload!  Ol' Boomy and his krew disembark and unload slugs at combat squad 3.  Gretchin mob 1 continues sprinting towards the downed marine, while Warboss Chainsaw carefully climbs the rocky hill to engage Sgt. Immortus and his death dealers with the least risk of retaliation.  Boss Blakgutz continues to exhibit an uncharacteristic orkish patience, and again bides his time.  He and his krew does not arrive on this turn.

Ol' Boomy, now out of the cramped space of the battlewagon, attempts to muster up another psyker power...and succeeds!  Sadly for him, the space marine librarian is close enough to nullify the manifested power by activating his psychic hood, ruining the old ork'z fun.  Warboss Chainsaw can smell blood (it might be from his own unit, but he does not distinguish) and fires on the lonely Sgt. Immortus!  Unfortunately for him, his aim is as infamously poor as the sergeant's is legendary, and none of his slugs manage to find their mark.  The nobz fire at the hated Captain Drakon and his squad, but are just barely outside the effective range of their sluggaz!  The lobbaz choose to unload on the entrenched combat squad 1...but with no remaining ammo runts, the results are misses all around!  The shoota boyz with Ol' Boomy manage the orkz's only kill this turn, killing a tactical marine in combat squad 3.

Combat squad 1 leaves the safety of the objective to get their flamer in position to BBQ the orkz in Ol' Boomy's krew.  Combat squad 2 moves to take the defensive position left empty by combat squad 1.  Combat squad 3 stays put on the rocky hill, while brother Augustus begins moving his dreadnought back down.  Combat squad 4 breaks down the heavy bolter so that they can move west, away from Warboss Chainsaw and his ladz.  The terminators split up, with the sergeant taking his group of 5 (terminator squad 1) towards the objective.  The librarian again attempts to move Captain Drakon and terminator squad 1 through the Gate of Infinity...success!!  He and his squad are now positioned to threaten all ork units within their vicinity.

The newly positioned terminator 1 squad fires at the gretchin mob, killing 2.  Sgt. Immortus delivers a special candy-gram to the runtherder right between the eyes.  Brother Augustus connects with his multi-melta while firing at the battlewagon...vaporizing it's oil pan and catching the vehicle on fire!  It is out of the fight!  The flamer from combat squad 1 hits many of the tightly packed orkz in Ol' Boomy's group, roasting 4 of them alive!  The marine responsible looks on coldly at his craft, observing the orkz running around and emitting high-pitched hoots of agony as the prometheum incinerates the flesh clean off of their ape-like skeletons.  A hail of rapid-fire bolts from his squadmates carve important looking chunks of meat off of an additional boy who is trying to avoid the jets of flame.  Combat squad 2 wants in on the action, and rapid fires into the same group of boyz...dismembering another 2.  The sergeant in this squad kills a third by disintegrating the majority of his target's torso with his plasma pistol; leaving a charred, instantly-cauterized hole the size of a trash can lid where ork meat used to be.  Terminator group 2 kills yet another boy from the same group with their storm bolters.  Combat squad 3 wastes STILL ANOTHER boy from this group with punishing blows from the heavy bolter.  Meanwhile, near the objective, the librarian smites the group of nobz, but manages to harm none.  It matters not, however, as storm bolter fire kills 2 and krak missiles implode the rest as orky anatomy is gruesomely re-arranged by the overkill.  Overwhelmed, the few boys left in Ol' Boomy's mob can take no more, and break for the hills!

WAAAGH!!!!!  Seeing that the Tau brewmaster is not longer as heavily defended as before, Boss Blakgutz makes his entrance and immediately takes on terminator squad 2.  2 of the mighty veterans are felled by the Boss's vicious and unrelenting attacks.  Ol' Boomy's group of boyz flee for their lives, firing away to dissuade any zealous marines from pursuing.  They manage to kill a tactical marine in combat squad 3!  Sgt. Immortus calmly reloads his weapon as lobba fire explodes all around him, not getting particularly close.  Warboss Chainsaw bellows the WAAAGH!!!!! and throws himself and his krew at Captain Drakon and his group...with UNFAVORABLE RESULTS!  The epistolary shows his great quality and smites down Warboss Chainsaw with his force staff...channeling the power of the warp and snuffing out the ork's life-force INSTANTLY!  The orkz manage hack a terminator to bits, but at the cost of 5 of their own as they brutally pulped by marines.  Captain Drakon himself dispatches 3 of them with his mighty hammer, "Tempest's Fury;" exploding the helpless ork bodies like overripe watermelons stuffed with rotten, beef-like fruit.  Only the nob survives, and suddenly he is no longer thirsty..."me no care about old beers, me care about me own hide!" He flees and the marines let him.

The sad corpse of what was once the great Warboss Chainsaw resembles little more than a shriveled, green raisin; his last horrible moments of living frozen on his toothy face in an expression of terror.  The librarian stands triumphantly over his quarry and recites the litanies of victory, further emboldening Captain Drakon and his men!

Combat squad 1 moves back towards the newly arrived Boss Blakgutz to lend assistance, but fires at Ol' Boomy's group as a parting gift.  Combat squad 3 does the same.  Meanwhile, brother Augustus pilots his dreadnought right into the fray with Boss Blakgutz, intent on pulping the greenskin menace with his power claw!  Captain Drakon's group advances towards the downed marine and decimates the lobba group!  Combat squad 4 continues towards the scrum involving the kommandoz, waiting to clean up any green remnants that may live through the ordeal.

Finding significantly less targets than before, Sgt. Immortus pops the top off of one of the remaining grots.  Captain Drakon and his squad go to work on the lobbaz, killing 7 of the operators with frag missiles and storm bolters.  The terminators battling Boss Blakgutz return the favor, but the sergeant and another terminator are ripped to shreds by relentless orks while only managing to down 1 kommando with a mighty blow from a power fist.  Brother Augustus fares a bit better, wading into the melee and separating 2 ork spines from their hips with his power claw.

Ol' Boomy's group continues fleeing, hooting in terror as the weirdboy fails to teleport them in a bid to keep them in play.  The gretchin scurry around the stones to get away from the fury being delivered by Sgt. Immortus, QQ'ing pathetically as they go.  What is left of Chainsaw'z ladz are also eager to get away from the horrible 'umies, fleeing as fast as they can.

Boss Blakgutz manages to wipe out the remaining terminator in group 1 before turning his malice upon the great space marine walker.  The group is surprised to find that their burnas have little effect on the chassis of machine, doing little more than blackening the paint job and torching a few purity seals.  2 kommandos are pulverized by the hulking machine before they realize this, however...sensing that they are unable to defeat such a  foe, they flee!

Being a xeno is the one thing the Emperor will not forgive, so the marines continue their crusade of cleansing against what remains of the greenskin force.  Combat squad 4 moves into rapid fire range, and all remaining tactical marines rapid fire into Boss Blakgutz's krew.  Caught in a wicked crossfire of rapid-fire bolts and holy flames, the remaining kommandos are cut down without pity.  SLAUGHTERED TO THE LAST ORK!  Meanwhile, Captain Drakon and the librarian break off from the terminators and wipe out the remaining sniveling gretchin.  Few are left after Sgt. Immortus added his "input" into this group, so the task was effortless.  The terminators then found themselves free to obliterate the remaining nobz, which they do. 

Tau brewmaster secured, captain!  All enemy forces in our sector have been neutralized or have disengaged!

Hooting wildly in fear, the weirdboy and the rest of the boyz exit the stage before their curtain call.

At the end of this turn, the random-game-length roll ends the entire game.  It's all over, folks!

Dark Purist wins!  Some poor rolls to bring in the kommandos from reserve results in them arriving too late to be of any significant use.  In fact, their late arrival meant they were the only targets for the all of the marines in the area, and suffered accordingly.  Had they come in during turn 2 or even 3, this battle may have gone very differently; however it did not, and it ended in a bloodbath for the poor orkz.  THEY JUST WANTED TO HAVE A DRINK!  The Emperor protects this day.

"NO! NOT THE BIKE!"

"Ah, we not want hurt 'umie anyhow...  Me go cry inta fungus-beer now..."